7 Tips for Managing Holiday Stress as an LGBTQ+ Adult in a Politically Charged Season
Photo by Element5 Digital, downloaded from Unsplash on 9/23/2024
The holiday season is always a mixed bag, but in a year where everything feels (and is) politically charged, it can feel even heavier for LGBTQ+ folks. I know it is for me personally. Professionally, though, I am already having sessions where clients are talking about this as they anxiously anticipate future scenarios with family members around holiday gatherings. The family dynamics, in addition to societal and economic pressures, the constant news cycle—it’s a lot. And, unfortunately, the season of “joy and togetherness” can bring up a lot of stress, especially when conversations at the dinner table veer into uncomfortable or downright harmful territory. But there are ways to get through it without losing your sense of self. As a therapist specializing in LGBTQ Therapy in NYC, here are seven tips to help you manage the stress, protect your peace, and make it through the holidays with your well-being intact.
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings (Yes, Even the Uncomfortable Ones)
This time of year can stir up all kinds of emotions, and not all of them are warm and fuzzy. And when everything feels politically charged, those feelings can be even more intense. You might be frustrated by what’s going on in the world, anxious about seeing family members who don’t share your views, or exhausted by the constant debates online and in-person. Instead of bottling those feelings up, acknowledge them. You’re allowed to feel what you feel. Name the stress, the anger, the sadness, and let yourself process it. That’s the first step toward managing it.
Advanced Level: Once you’ve acknowledged your feelings, start asking yourself deeper questions. Why is this particular feeling showing up right now? What belief about yourself is this emotion highlighting? As you explore this, you might realize that behind the frustration or anger is an unmet need or a fear of not being seen. By identifying the underlying belief, you can shift your perspective and find a way to nurture that part of yourself that needs attention.
2. Set Boundaries Around Conversations
Setting boundaries isn’t just about deciding how much time you’ll spend with certain people—it’s also about steering conversations. Let’s face it, holiday gatherings can quickly become heated when politics or social issues come up, especially if you’re around people with opposing views. Decide ahead of time which topics are off-limits for you, and be ready to redirect the conversation if things get uncomfortable. You don’t owe anyone a debate or explanation. It’s okay to say something like, “I’m not comfortable discussing politics right now,” and pivot to another topic.
And if someone crosses your boundary, know that it’s okay to walk away. You don’t have to engage in every conversation, especially when it’s taking a toll on your mental health.
Advanced Level: Boundaries aren’t about controlling others; they’re for you. When someone crosses your boundary, it’s an opportunity to soul-search and reflect on your values and what you need in relationships. This can help clarify how you want to show up—not just in this specific relationship but in all relationships. The result of this deeper work is greater integrity and integration, helping you bring more equanimity and responsiveness to interactions instead of reacting from a place of hurt or frustration.
3. Prioritize Your Own Traditions and Joy
Photo by Jennifer Pallian, downloaded from Unsplash on 9/23/24
The holidays don’t have to look like they do in the movies, and they definitely don’t have to revolve around other people’s expectations. This year, especially with all the external noise, it’s important to focus on what brings you joy. Whether it’s cooking your favorite meal, binge-watching your favorite series, or having a quiet night in with friends, prioritize the traditions and activities that make you feel good. The holidays are your time too. If certain gatherings don’t serve you or feel emotionally safe, it’s okay to skip them in favor of creating your own sense of peace.
Advanced Level: A big part of personal growth, especially for LGBTQ+ individuals, is getting comfortable with your own difference and uniqueness. Many of us grew up in families where creating our own traditions or claiming our own joy wasn’t prioritized, making this an important yet challenging developmental task. Prioritizing your traditions is not just about comfort but about reinforcing your uniqueness. Deepening the inquiry—why is this so important to me?—helps you connect with and own your identity in ways that feel empowering. The more you explore this, the stronger your sense of self becomes, allowing you to unapologetically embrace the joy that comes from living authentically.
4. Be Mindful of How Much News and Social Media You’re Consuming
In a season where everything feels politically charged, it’s easy to get sucked into the news cycle or spend hours scrolling through heated debates on social media. But this constant exposure to negativity can quickly wear you down. Set limits on how much news or social media you consume, especially during the holidays when you’re already juggling family dynamics and stress. Give yourself permission to unplug. The world will still be there when you check back in, but your peace of mind comes first. Instead of doom-scrolling, replace that time with something that nurtures you—read a book, call a supportive friend, or even just take a walk to clear your head.
Advanced Level: Engage in a deeper inquiry by asking yourself, Is how I’m managing my feelings truly soothing? Are you seeking real comfort or just rehashing the same emotional turmoil, trying to feel at peace by convincing yourself you’re "right" and others are "wrong"? This reflection can help you recognize whether your behaviors are nurturing or keeping you stuck in stress and frustration. The goal is to mature emotionally—to find ways that help you feel better at the end of the day, rather than staying trapped in cycles that perpetuate discomfort.
5. Connect with Your Chosen Family or Community
If spending time with certain family members feels like walking on eggshells, lean into your chosen family or community instead. Sometimes, the best support comes from people who truly understand your experience, and that’s especially true for LGBTQ+ folks navigating politically charged situations. Organize a Friendsgiving, attend an LGBTQ+ holiday event, or even just reach out to friends who are in the same boat. Being around people who get it—and who support you for who you are—can make all the difference when the outside world feels chaotic.
Advanced Level: Sometimes the frustration we feel toward our families of origin is actually covering a deeper sadness—that they’re not the families we needed or still need. When you connect with your chosen family in a deep, meaningful way, it can also stir up that grief. Allowing yourself to feel this sadness, whether with your chosen family or in therapy, gives it a place to be held, nurtured, and processed. This deeper awareness of what’s really underneath your holiday stress can guide you toward what ultimately helps heal—a place of acceptance, and more fulfilling relationships with the family you’ve chosen.
6. Have an Exit Plan (Literally and Emotionally)
This one’s key—always have an exit plan. If you’re walking into a family gathering or event where things could get tense, plan your “out” ahead of time. One of my favorite strategies? “Suddenly needing to use the restroom.” It’s a simple, discreet way to step out of a conversation that’s headed into dicey territory, and by the time you return, the subject has usually shifted. You could also drive yourself so you can leave when you need to, or have a text code with a friend for an emergency "rescue." Knowing you have an escape route can give you a sense of control when things get heated. And if you have a partner with you, include them in the plan so you’re not abandoning them unexpectedly.
An emotional exit plan is just as important. If you can’t physically leave, practice grounding techniques like deep breathing or visualizing a calm, safe space. These tools can help you stay centered, even when the world around you feels anything but.
Advanced Level: Before even making that exit plan, take a moment to reflect on why you’re going to the gathering in the first place. Are you going because it aligns with your values, like maintaining important relationships with siblings or nibblings? Or is it driven by an old sense of obligation to please parents or conform to tradition at your own expense? Having this clarity is powerful. When your decision comes from a more centered, self-aware place, it’s easier to protect your emotional energy and make plans that support you. And if you do decide to go, having that exit strategy in place will help you stay grounded in your choice.
7. Don’t Hesitate to Seek Support When You Need It
Photo by Austin Kehmeier, downloaded from Unsplash on 9/23/24
The holidays can be overwhelming on their own, but when you add in the weight of a politically charged season, it can feel like too much. If you find yourself feeling persistently anxious, angry, or emotionally drained, it’s okay to seek support. I specialize in LGBTQ Therapy in NYC and am here to help you process those feelings, build resilience, and develop coping strategies tailored to your experience. Therapy provides a safe, non-judgmental space to explore everything you’re feeling and navigate the stress of the season.
Remember, you don’t have to do it all alone. Whether it’s leaning on friends, your chosen family, or professional support, there are people ready to help you through this.
Advanced Level: For many of us, holiday stress can act as a "guru," revealing where we struggle most with trust—especially trust in ourselves. It’s easy to come to the holidays feeling like you can’t trust anyone, the world, or even yourself. And that’s incredibly stressful. Taking the step to reach out to a therapist is huge, and I know it’s normal to come to therapy feeling like trust is difficult or out of reach. But here’s the hope: part of my job as a therapist is to invite you into a space where trust can slowly be rebuilt. Over time, we can work on healing that distrust so you can feel more connected, more whole, and start trusting yourself to navigate a complex world. My hope is that next year’s holidays feel just a little easier because you’re stepping into them with a stronger sense of trust in yourself and your ability to handle what comes your way.
Conclusion: Give Yourself Permission to Take Care of You
The holidays don’t have to be perfect, and you don’t have to meet anyone’s expectations but your own. In a season where everything feels heightened and politically charged, the best gift you can give yourself is peace. Set boundaries, lean into joy, and don’t hesitate to seek support when you need it. If you’re ready to explore therapy as part of managing the stress this holiday season, reach out for LGBTQ Therapy in NYC—we’re here to help you navigate these challenges with resilience and care.
