Cultivating Openness: A Key Skill in LGBTQ+ Therapy in NYC
Being honest here–navigating life as an LGBTQ+ individual in New York City comes with a unique set of challenges that require centeredness, skill and maturity…to do it well. The complexities of navigating identity, relationships, and societal pressures can sometimes feel overwhelming, making personal growth and emotional health even more crucial. That’s where cultivating key skills in therapy becomes so important. This post is part of a 4-part series focused on the essential personal and relational skills we work on in LGBTQ Therapy in NYC. We’ll explore how developing openness can transform not only your inner world but also your relationships and your ability to thrive in a city like NYC. The other posts in this series dive into additional core skills: Cultivating Flexibility, Cultivating Mutual Respect, and Cultivating Boundaries. Each skill builds on the other, helping you create more space for connection, healing, and self-awareness.
Today, we’re going to focus on openness—what it looks like in therapy, why it matters so much, and how you can use it to navigate the complexities of being LGBTQ+ in New York City.
What Does Openness Really Mean in LGBTQ Therapy in NYC?
So, yeah, what do I mean by “Openness”? Openness in therapy isn’t just about sharing your thoughts and feelings with a therapist—it’s about getting comfortable with uncertainty, with the gray areas of life. When you look around, the world doesn’t come in monotone. Reality comes in shades of rainbow colors, and maturity is embracing this more complex reality. In LGBTQ Therapy in NYC, I will often be moving you away from rigid, black-and-white thinking (“I’m either right or wrong,” “I’m good or bad”) and start exploring the messy middle ground. Openness invites us to sit with both the discomfort and joy of not having all the answers and allows space for growth.
Openness means embracing the idea that you (and others) can hold multiple truths at once. You can have personal convictions and still make room for other perspectives. It’s about staying flexible and curious, rather than clinging to fixed ideas. For so many LGBTQ+ folks, this is critical as we navigate our own identity, relationships, and the complexity of simply existing in a world that hasn’t always made space for us.
Why Openness Is Essential for LGBTQ+ Individuals
Being LGBTQ+ means you're no stranger to navigating life with a ton of internal and external pressures. From coming out to family, to facing discrimination at work, or just grappling with how you see yourself—it’s a lot. And one of the most powerful tools you can develop to work through these challenges is openness. In fact, it is openness (among other things) that has allowed many of us (especially those of us from fundamental religious backgrounds) to survive and own our identities.
Here’s the thing: if you’re rigid in your thinking, it can be hard to move past old wounds, assumptions, or ways of thinking that no longer serve you. Openness helps you embrace new ways of seeing your identity and makes space for new possibilities in your relationships, career, and mental health.
Openness in the LGBTQ+ Experience:
Navigating Identity Conflicts: Understanding and coming to terms with your sexual orientation, gender identity, or other aspects of self can stir up a lot of internal conflict. Maybe you’ve struggled with fitting in, internalized homophobia, or feeling like you have to present a certain way to be accepted. Openness, which can be learning to let go of binary and limited perspectives that were taught to you, helps create a path to work through these conflicts in a way that allows you to feel more authentic and at ease.
Healing from Societal Pressures: Living in NYC, you’re exposed to countless voices—both supportive and critical—when it comes to being queer. The pressure to conform, to be “enough” of something (feminine enough, masculine enough, queer enough) can become overwhelming. Openness, even openness to your own uniqueness and your own path, helps you stay grounded and open to who you are, rather than what society wants you to be.
How Openness Enhances LGBTQ+ Relationships
For LGBTQ+ individuals, relationships can often come with an added layer of complexity. Whether it’s with a partner, family, or friends, staying open is key to nurturing healthy, fulfilling connections. And by the way, this doesn’t mean ignoring your boundaries or convictions—it means showing up with curiosity and empathy, even when things get tough.
In Personal Relationships:
Openness in relationships is about listening without rushing to judgment. It’s about letting your partner, friend, or family member express themselves and acknowledging their experience even when it feels different from your own. For many LGBTQ+ folks, relationships often include navigating dynamics related to gender identity, societal expectations, and even rejection from family. Openness helps to hold space for all of these layers, making room for deeper connections. And why is that? Openness, especially in relationships, is taking a stance that “while I have deep convictions about my viewpoint, I still don’t know everything about everything and there’s always room for learning.” Especially in an argument, a person with openness is going to receive more responsiveness from their partner, and will be more relationally effective, than a person who shows up to tell you you’re wrong and should do it their way.
In Community Engagement:
Being a part of the LGBTQ+ community in NYC means interacting with people who have all kinds of different backgrounds, perspectives, and identities. Openness encourages us to embrace those differences rather than feel threatened by them. Whether it’s in a support group, a queer social event, or through advocacy work, maintaining an open mindset strengthens the community and makes it a more inclusive, supportive space for everyone. Many of our “wounding” as LGBTQ+ people has been in encountering rigid and closed systems (e.g., our own family, our religious culture). So, to meet our own community with openness really shows how much healing we’ve done from where we’ve come from.
Challenges to Openness: The Real Barriers LGBTQ+ Folks Face
Let’s be real—openness doesn’t come easily, and for many LGBTQ+ folks, there are significant barriers that make it hard to stay open and vulnerable. Whether it’s the fear of judgment or unresolved trauma, here are some real challenges that can get in the way:
Discrimination and Social Stigma: From being harassed in public to dealing with microaggressions at work, many LGBTQ+ individuals face real, external threats. It makes sense that you’d want to protect yourself by closing off emotionally. But over time, this kind of emotional “shutdown” can become exhausting and prevent you from forming deeper connections.
Internalized Shame or Trauma: Growing up in a world that often doesn’t accept LGBTQ+ identities can leave deep scars. Many of us carry shame or internalized stigma, which can make it hard to remain open with ourselves, let alone others. Whether it’s religious trauma or bullying, these experiences can harden us emotionally as a way to survive, but eventually, this leaves us feeling isolated.
How to Cultivate Openness in LGBTQ Therapy in NYC
So how do we actually work on cultivating openness in therapy? It’s about gently challenging those rigid thought patterns and making space for curiosity.
Practical Strategies for Developing Openness:
The Therapy Relationship: The number one factor in making progress in therapy, and this has been consistent in meta analyses over and over, is if you and your therapist have an alliance. It is important that you find a therapist you can build this alliance with, and that becomes our first priority should you wish to work with me. Our therapy relationship will provide us the context where you can be open to seeing yourself and your past history, and begin to heal and resolve that hurt that keeps you closed and caught in rigid thought patterns.
CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy): One of the biggest roadblocks to openness is black-and-white thinking. In LGBTQ Therapy in NYC, I often use CBT techniques to challenge these rigid thoughts once we have a good working alliance. By unpacking harmful thought patterns (“I’m not good enough” or “I always mess up”), and gaining insight into where you learned this way of thinking, you start to make space for more flexible thinking.
Mindfulness: This one’s about staying present with your emotions without getting caught up in what they mean. It’s an incredibly useful tool for LGBTQ+ clients who might feel triggered by past trauma or societal pressures. Mindfulness helps create the emotional room to sit with discomfort and explore it rather than push it away.
EMDR for Trauma: For those who’ve been through significant trauma, I use EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) to help open up a path toward healing. Sometimes our own closed system thinking relates to our past trauma, and you need specialized techniques to resolve these experiences. By reprocessing traumatic memories, we reduce their emotional charge, allowing clients to stay open without being overwhelmed by past experiences.
Exposure to the New: Outside to therapy, being intentional about exposing yourself to viewpoints, people, places and cultures who are different from you is often an excellent and fun way to gain more openness to life. In all the times I have traveled to different places, I’m reminded of how vastly different life can be lived, and happily, from my own way.
Openness as a Lifelong Skill
Openness isn’t a one-time achievement. It’s something we continue to cultivate over time. It’s about staying curious, being willing to change, and giving yourself permission to grow—both in therapy and in your everyday life. In my work with clients in LGBTQ Therapy in NYC, I often encourage personal reflection practices like journaling, art, or mindful self-inquiry. These practices help reinforce openness and keep it a part of your ongoing growth.
Closing Thoughts: Embracing Openness in Therapy and Life
Openness is about more than just being willing to talk—it’s about transforming the way you engage with yourself, your relationships, and the world. In LGBTQ Therapy in NYC, we work together to build this essential skill because it’s key to long-term resilience, healing, and thriving.
If you’re ready to start this journey or find yourself struggling with feeling closed off, know that you’re not alone. Therapy can offer the space to cultivate openness in a way that feels safe, authentic, and supportive. Reach out for LGBTQ Therapy in NYC to explore what openness could look like for you—there’s no rush, and we’ll go at your pace.
Are you ready to embrace the journey of personal growth with openness? Contact me today here to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation and begin your path to deeper self-understanding and enriched relationships. Let's explore together how LGBTQ+ therapy in NYC can help you live a more open and authentic life.
My specialties include LGBTQ+ Therapy NYC, EMDR Therapy NYC, and Religious Trauma
