What Qualifies as Religious Trauma? An LGBTQ Therapist in NYC’s Perspective

Many people I work with find themselves at the intersection of the Christian faith and the LGTBQ community.

Originally written February 23, 2024, updated January 28, 2025

Religious trauma is a profound and often overlooked and misunderstood experience, especially for LGBTQ individuals. As a licensed mental health counselor specializing in LGBTQ therapy in NYC, I have dedicated my career to helping individuals navigate the intersection of identity, faith, and trauma. For many LGBTQ individuals, the pain of religious trauma stems from teachings or experiences that made us believe we were fundamentally wrong, bad, unacceptable, or rejectable. These messages often shaped how we saw ourselves and our worth, leaving some of us quietly questioning our place in the world, while others faced overwhelming feelings of shame and rejection that impacted every facet of life.

This blog explores the nuances of religious trauma, its impact on LGBTQ individuals, and how specialized therapy can provide a path toward healing and self-discovery.

Understanding Religious Trauma

What Is Religious Trauma?

Religious trauma occurs when harmful experiences or teachings within a religious context cause psychological distress. If you’ve grown up in an environment where your identity was demonized, where questioning was discouraged, or where belonging was conditional, you may have experienced this kind of trauma. For LGBTQ individuals, these experiences often lead to profound feelings of shame, fear, and isolation.

Religious trauma isn’t always overt. It can also manifest in more subtle ways, like internalized beliefs that make you doubt your worth or the fear that stepping away from your community means losing connection altogether. Common examples include:

• Teachings that frame LGBTQ identities as sinful or unacceptable.

• Rules or doctrines that discourage self-expression or seeking support outside the community.

• Threats of rejection, excommunication, or eternal punishment, which exploit the innate human need for connection and safety.

Even after leaving these environments, the effects linger—whether in your relationships, your emotional responses, or even your physical health. Therapy offers a way to explore these impacts and begin to heal.

Key Indicators of Religious Trauma

Religious trauma shows up differently for each of us. For some, it’s subtle—a quiet undercurrent of unease that shapes decisions and relationships. For others, it’s overwhelming and all-encompassing, leaving deep scars. Understanding the ways trauma manifests can help you recognize its impact in your life.

Photo by Tine Ivanič; uploaded from Unsplash on 1/28/2025.

For example, perfectionism often stems from rigid teachings that tied moral or spiritual worth to flawless behavior. This can lead to chronic self-criticism and fear of failure. Fear of punishment may linger as well, where every mistake feels like it could lead to severe consequences. Cognitive looping and obsessive thoughts are also common, often driven by the need to ensure purity or avoid sin. These patterns can be exhausting and debilitating.

Common Impacts:

• Confusion and Self-Doubt: You might feel lost or unsure about who you are and what decisions to make, stemming from years of questioning your worth or being told who you should be.

• Emotional Struggles: Many of us carry heavy feelings like anxiety, sadness, shame, or grief—emotions that can sometimes feel overwhelming.

• Physical and Behavioral Challenges: Sleep issues, unhealthy coping mechanisms like substance use, or physical tension often accompany the stress of unresolved trauma.

• Disconnection: Losing your community or feeling distant from family can leave you feeling isolated, unsure of where you truly belong.

Therapy becomes a vital tool for navigating this complexity and finding relief.

How Religious Trauma Affects LGBTQ Individuals

The unique challenges faced by LGBTQ individuals with religious trauma stem from the intersection of identity, community, and belief. Here are some ways this trauma can affect your life:

1. Perfectionism and Self-Worth You may feel an intense need to be perfect in order to be loved or accepted. This can lead to relentless self-criticism and a fear of making mistakes, making it hard to relax or embrace imperfection.

2. Fear of Punishment The fear of doing something wrong might linger, leading to chronic anxiety or difficulty making decisions. You might feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells, even in safe environments.

3. Black-and-White Thinking Seeing things as either entirely right or wrong can make navigating relationships, career choices, or personal decisions incredibly rigid and stressful. This can leave little room for flexibility or growth.

4. Relationship with Authority You might find yourself either overly submissive to or defiant against authority figures, stemming from early experiences with religious leaders. This can impact your ability to assert boundaries or feel empowered in relationships.

Therapy can help you unpack these effects and build a life that feels authentic and free from the constraints of past trauma.

LGBTQ Therapy in NYC: Discover How Working with Me Can Help You Thrive

Creating a Safe Space

As a licensed mental health counselor and certified EMDR practitioner, I offer a warm, affirming space where you are truly seen and valued. Healing begins with creating an environment where you feel safe, respected, and supported. My LGBTQ therapy practice in NYC prioritizes cultural competence, respect for pronouns, and acknowledgment of your lived experiences. This foundation fosters trust and openness, paving the way for meaningful growth.

Addressing the Layers of Trauma

Through specialized approaches, such as EMDR therapy, we gently address the emotional and somatic impacts of trauma. Techniques like bilateral stimulation can help desensitize painful memories, allowing you to reprocess and make sense of them in ways that support healing and resilience. Together, we focus on building a sense of stability and safety before working through past experiences.

Rebuilding Identity and Faith

Therapy provides a supportive space to explore and rebuild your identity and, for some, reconnect with faith in a way that feels authentic and true. Together, we can:

• Challenge and reframe harmful beliefs.

• Develop an identity that aligns with your values and experiences.

• Build a personal framework of meaning and ethics that empowers you to live authentically.

Fostering Resilience and Empowerment

The ultimate goal of our work together is to help you reclaim your agency and build resilience. Therapy equips you with tools to navigate challenges, whether they involve family dynamics, societal pressures, or internalized fears. I am here to support and empower you as you step into a life that reflects your true self.

Practical Steps Toward Healing

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure about how to move forward, know that you’re not alone. Many of us have felt the weight of religious trauma, and taking that first step toward healing is an act of courage. Here are some compassionate, actionable steps to begin finding relief and reclaiming your life:

1. Recognize the Signs Acknowledging that you’ve experienced religious trauma is a significant first step. This awareness helps you understand how past experiences might still shape your mental health, relationships, and self-perception. Recognizing these signs is empowering—it’s the beginning of reclaiming your narrative.

2. Seek Supportive Communities Connecting with LGBTQ-affirming faith groups or broader LGBTQ networks in NYC can provide invaluable support. Organizations like The Center in NYC offer resources and community spaces to foster belonging.

3. Begin Therapy Therapy offers a supportive and collaborative space to explore your feelings, reconcile conflicts, and develop tools for resilience. Together, we can create a path forward that feels manageable and hopeful. Look for therapists who specialize in both LGBTQ issues and religious trauma, ensuring they understand the unique intersections of your experience.

4. Practice Self-Compassion Healing takes time. Be patient with yourself. Each small victory matters, and setbacks are simply part of the process, not a reflection of your worth or progress. Remember, even acknowledging your pain is a courageous act of self-care.

Past Posts and Resources

For further reading on related topics, check out:

• "Understanding EMDR Therapy: A Resource Guide for the LGBTQ Community in NYC"

• "Choosing the Right LGBTQ+ Therapist in NYC: A Journey to Empowerment"

• “How Can I Cope with Political Stress? LGBTQ and EMDR Therapy in NYC for Resilience and Growth”

These posts delve deeper into the psychological and relational aspects of trauma and offer insights into how therapy can support healing.

Taking the First Step

If you're looking for LGBTQ therapy in NYC to help with healing from religious trauma, schedule your free 15-minute consultation here to learn more about how I can support you in navigating this healing process.