Deep Dive into Relationship with Authority: EMDR Therapy NYC for Healing Religious Trauma

The Weight of Authority in Religious Trauma

LGBTQ+ individuals often have complex relationships with authority figures based on our messed up lived experience with religious authority figures. This history can get worked out in LGBTQ therapy in NYC to find more freedom and less reactivity to these types of figures.

Photo by Alexander Mils; uploaded from Unsplash on 2/7/25

For many of us who grew up in strict religious environments, authority was an ever-present force—one that dictated not only external behavior but also internal self-worth. Whether it was a religious leader, a parent enforcing religious rules, or even a broader cultural system within faith communities, authority shaped how we saw ourselves and the world. It was often presented as infallible, beyond question, and intrinsically tied to morality and divine approval.

For LGBTQ+ individuals in these environments, this relationship with authority often became a source of profound trauma. When authority figures—whether they were pastors, priests, parents, or mentors—reinforced harmful messages about identity and worth, the impact extended far beyond childhood. Even long after leaving those spaces, the internalized fear of disobedience, punishment, or rejection can persist, affecting decision-making, self-perception, and relationships.

In this deep dive, we’ll explore how religious trauma shapes an individual's relationship with authority, how it can manifest in adulthood, and how EMDR Therapy NYC can help reprocess and heal from these deeply ingrained wounds.

(This post is part of our series on healing religious trauma with EMDR. If you haven’t already, check out our previous deep dives: perfectionism, black-and-white thinking, obsessive looping, fear of punishment, and ethics and moral absolutes).

How Religious Trauma Distorts the Concept of Authority

Not all authority is harmful or oppressive. In healthy systems, including well-functioning religious communities, authority operates in a more democratic and shared manner. Power is distributed rather than concentrated in a single figure, allowing for communal decision-making, accountability, and mutual respect. Healthy authority encourages choice, autonomy, and personal growth rather than rigid compliance. As individuals mature, these systems foster independence, self-trust, and the ability to make informed decisions rather than demanding blind obedience.

However, in religious environments where authority becomes rigid, hierarchical, and fear-based, it can create significant psychological distress. It can feel like being trapped in a labyrinth with no clear path out—where every turn leads back to the same conditioned fears. The following are ways in which unhealthy religious systems distort the concept of authority and cause harm:

1. Authority as Absolute Truth: Many religious communities teach that authority figures possess ultimate wisdom and should never be questioned. This can lead to a loss of personal agency, where individuals are conditioned to distrust their own instincts in favor of external validation.

2. Fear-Based Compliance: Often, compliance with authority wasn’t about respect—it was about survival. For those who feared punishment, rejection, or divine wrath, following authority became a means of ensuring safety, even at the cost of personal authenticity.

3. The Internalized Authority Figure: Long after leaving a religious environment, many people carry an “inner authority figure” that continues enforcing old rules and restrictions. This voice may manifest as an intense inner critic, anxiety over breaking rules (even arbitrary ones), or difficulty asserting one’s own needs and boundaries.

4. Conflict with Self and Others: When the concept of authority has been tied to rigid structures, individuals may struggle with authority in adulthood. This can manifest as difficulty respecting personal boundaries, feelings of guilt when challenging authority figures, or even an aversion to leadership roles for fear of replicating past harm.

For LGBTQ+ individuals, these dynamics can be even more complex. When religious authority figures—who claim to speak for God or the Divine—frame queer identities as sinful, unworthy, or in need of “fixing,” the damage runs deep. Internalized shame doesn’t just settle in—it embeds itself in the psyche, shaping self-perception and worth in ways that can feel impossible to shake. It’s more than just confusion or self-doubt—it fucks us up. Many continue to wrestle with the basic right to autonomy, self-trust, and personal power, long after leaving these harmful ideologies behind.

How EMDR Therapy NYC Can Help Reprocess Authority Trauma

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is an evidence-based therapy designed to help individuals process traumatic memories in a way that reduces emotional distress and shifts ingrained negative beliefs. Imagine trauma as a tightly wound knot, with each strand representing fear, shame, or conditioned obedience tied to authority figures. EMDR functions as a gentle yet powerful tool to gradually loosen these strands, making it possible to untangle the web of internalized oppression. When it comes to religious trauma, EMDR helps clients reprocess and reframe these deep-seated fears, allowing them to build a new, more autonomous relationship with authority.

Here’s how EMDR Therapy NYC can facilitate healing:

1. Identifying the Core Memories
In EMDR, therapy begins with identifying specific memories that shaped one’s relationship with authority. This might include moments of public shaming, threats of eternal damnation, or being silenced for asking questions. By pinpointing these memories, therapy creates a targeted approach for healing.

2. Reprocessing the Emotional Charge
Through bilateral stimulation (eye movements, tapping, or auditory tones), EMDR helps desensitize the emotional charge of past experiences. This allows individuals to revisit these memories without the same overwhelming fear or shame that once accompanied them.

3. Installing Adaptive Beliefs
A crucial part of EMDR is replacing negative core beliefs with more adaptive, empowering ones. If religious trauma taught someone that questioning authority equals rebellion or damnation, EMDR helps introduce beliefs like:

• "I have the right to question and choose what aligns with my values."

• "I can trust myself to make decisions for my well-being."

• "My identity and worth are not dictated by external authority."

Photo by Joseph Chan; uploaded from Unsplash on 2/7/25

4. Integrating a New Relationship with Authority
As these memories lose their hold, clients often find it easier to engage with authority in a healthier way—whether that means setting boundaries with family, advocating for themselves in professional settings, or even redefining their relationship with spirituality on their own terms.

Moving Toward Self-Authority and Healing

Healing from religious trauma isn’t just about breaking away from harmful authority—it’s about stepping into your own authority. What would life feel like after working through these wounds? Many clients who engage in LGBTQ Therapy NYC and EMDR report feeling more confident asserting boundaries, less guilt over questioning authority, and a deeper trust in their own voice.

If you’ve ever hesitated to begin therapy, wondering if it will work for you, know this: EMDR isn’t about someone else telling you what to believe—it’s about helping you reclaim your ability to trust yourself. You don’t have to do this alone, and healing is possible.

Authority No Longer Owns You

Through EMDR Therapy NYC, it’s possible to untangle the knots of fear, shame, and conditioned obedience, allowing you to step into a place where you are the author of your own life. No longer beholden to outdated structures, you can reclaim the right to think critically, trust your own judgment, and live freely as your most authentic self.

If you're ready to explore this journey or interested in learning more about LGBTQ+ Therapy in NYC or how EMDR Therapy can be helpful, reach out here for a free 15 minute consultation conversation. Healing is within reach, and you don’t have to navigate it alone.